Yup… I stepped off the ledge and talk about all sorts of things, including dildos, strap-on harnesses, surviving cancer, and caring for assault survivors. We packed a lot into the conversation! It’s Just Ducky! In town from New York, it’s the triumphant return of renowned sex […]
Last month I struggled with a sense of aimlessness. I am now about five months into remission and that feeling still exists to some extent but has been overtaken by a sense of doom. Thankfully I am not moving through my days feeling depressed. I […]
I’m presenting ‘Sex For Survivors: Healing After Trauma’ at Smitten Kitten. There will be limited seats but please know getting there is the hardest part. Once we start, there’s lots of love and ideas for how to squeeze more out of your lovely life.
April 9, 2018 at 8pm
Sex For Survivors: Healing After Trauma
Tuning out? Finding it difficult to be present during intimacy? These are very common survival techniques for anyone who has survived domestic violence, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and other forms of abuse and trauma. Join Ducky, herself a survivor and a Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention Counselor, as we explore ways of growing beyond the trauma. In a safe and non-judgmental environment, you are invited to discuss common issues survivors face or simply listen to inspiring ideas on how you might find more pleasure, become more conscious in your body, build confidence, bond with your partner, embrace your desires, and explore healing through touch.
This workshop is free. Call or email to reserve a spot: email@example.com
Who belongs here?: Almost everyone. Over the years, I have learned that earth is a heavy place to be. With a little nudge, I find almost everyone is surviving something. Be it a past sexual assault, incest, intimate partner violence, a divorce, cancer, a partner in Iraq or Afghanistan, injury, the death of a loved one… life is tough. Our world does not encourage us to face these things head on… but instead to smile along and pretend as though everything’s peachy. But truth be told, that’s not always true. So if you question whether you belong here, I assure you that you do; if not as a survivor yourself, then as an ally of survivors.
Howdy! Welcome to my February roundup. You can by the date that I almost missed it this month! Working in the sex toy industry means I get clobbered with work every February by perverted Valentines who need vibrating doo-dads. Bless their hearts. __________YUM__________ I am […]
I must admit, I have a lot of admiration for jessica and her work as an activist and educator. We have shared the stage together on a sex education conference keynote panel. We bump into each other as we present at corporate engagements and industry expos and conferences.
I knew she was golden if not only for her sex education work but also for the time, energy and money she gives to good causes like youth in peril, rebuilding homes in Haiti, or suicide prevention. When we can we have these fleeting moments of fangirling each other. Or if we are lucky these deep connective conversations about home life, sex ed or growing up rough. She intelligent and has a heart of gold.
I learn just how golden her heart is when I started cancer treatment. She delivered a big box to my home. This box was full of warmth. So thoughtfully packed with the self-care items only a true survivor and self-care expert could have sent.
I was already deeply committed to a few self-care practices. I was working from home to reduce stress and keep my immune system strong before surgery. I was practicing restorative yoga. I was reading a lot and doing lots of breathing exercises. (They say breath is life, I was spinning so hard that at times all I had was my breath.)
jessica added to my practices by introducing me to aromatherapy. I would NEVER have engaged with aromatherapy but in those cancer treatment days– all doors to healing were flung open. The little bottles she sent me with names like fortify and pain release seemed reasonable to me. The peppermint halo for headaches worked extraordinarily well!
The eucalyptus spray she sent, made to spritz in the shower and clear the sinuses, did wonders after a round of tears. She even sent an atomizer that sends relaxing lavender oil wafting up into the air. It all worked. It all soothed me. And with every scent she introduced me to, with every application, I felt like I could hear her saying, “You are important and you are not alone.” (Thank you for this jessica.)
It makes sense when you think about it. If the scent of your grandmother’s banana bread can flood your mind with good memories. The scent of your lover’s shampoo can make your heart sing. The smell of hospital can bring panic. Scents really do have power.
So, in the end, there are a lot of reasons I grow more and more fond of jessica. One of them is that she teaches me things. She has taught me how to better care for myself and how to be a better friend. I trust her. She is thoughtful, follows her heart, and asks for nothing in return. I look forward to many more years of growing our friendship.
(This is part three of a series where I get to say thank you. I have a lot of people to be thankful for.)
I currently work in the tiny industry of pleasure products. In the past, I have worked in the emergency room so when people in the pleasure product industry start taking themselves too seriously I remind myself (and sometimes them) that we sell sex toys. We sell […]
These are strange days. I’m a few months into remission and I am spinning in new ways.
There are these moments when I feel elated. Late at night, while walking my dog I will step out of the front door, look up at the stars and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I am still here, with my eyes wide open and able to bask under them.
There are moments when I look over at my husband and feel so deeply connected to him. We survived this together.
I walk up the stairs or sit down on my couch and I am grateful that I can freely move my body without the pain of surgical wounds.
There are the moments when I am driving home from work and I will feel thoughts I had a few months ago driving those same roads. I wondered how much of me cancer had consumed. I ached to get to surgery and get it out of my body. I feared the test results would tell us it had spread. I can’t believe it’s behind now.
I am on the other side of it and I am still stunned. I have survived and life goes on. I am confused by that major interruption. Everything is the same, yet it’s not. I feel overwhelmed at times. Thankful at times. Disgusted by the experience. I am bored at work. Unsure about how committed I should be to the hustle. Not sure what my purpose is. (I am not looking for advice here. Just expressing the truth.) Most of the time I just really fucking happy to be alive.
I have this inner fear that cancer will return. Most people get at least another five years after a bout like mine. But then what? No one really knows. I just monitor every few months (starting this month) and hope for the best.
Nothing has really changed but there is a strange sense of aimlessness now that I met this goal. There is this odd sense of “now what?” I had only planned to survive. I did it. My goals had been so short term. I am still adjusting. These are strange days indeed.
Splurging on something luscious and sexy can be a great pick-me-up. Why? When you spend money on some element of our lives it elevates the importance and drives us to be more committed. If your sex life (with yourself or a partner) has been lagging, […]
This little Canadian company is full of heart! The owners come and go because it’s a worker-owned cooperative, but collectively I have friends who have been happily entangled with them for almost 15 years. My entanglement with them means I have been eating food with them, flopping […]