Recent Posts

Meet Some Sex Bloggers With Big Hearts!

Meet Some Sex Bloggers With Big Hearts!

I am thankful and lucky I have these beautiful bloggers in my corner. When cancer turned my life upside down these are a few of the people cheered me on with kind words, little gifts, messages full of love, donations, retweets, shares, links, and a […]

Where is Ducky?

Where is Ducky?

I’m still here. There’s a lot to be said for that.

As you may be able to see (especially those who follow me on twitter) I am spending my time just keeping up with life and processing this whole surviving thing. I am hitting the six-month mark and I am trying to pull myself together.

In my last post, I had just ponied up some blood for genetic testing. Turns out I do have MSH6. In simple terms, I inherited a gene with a missing protein. This leaves me vulnerable to almost every kind of cancer in the books, including endometrial (check that off the list), breast, bladder, colon, skin, brain… and so on. I will spend the rest of my life doing visits with my oncologist and submitting to preemptive testing. I’ll find out in a few weeks what this year’s tests will look like. If we find cancer early, then we tackle it and see how long we can keep this body thumping. I am shooting for 90 years.

With my cat-eared niece in Minnesota, for my brother’s wedding.

Last month I went to my brother’s wedding and I had to leave my siblings with paperwork so they can now get themselves tested. That sucked hard. I keep my fingers and toes crossed that I am the only one in the chain to get this.

I also learned my biological father has been fighting cancer for 20+ years. I used ancestory.com to hunt up my genetic line a bit and I am pretty certain this came into our genetic line from my grandmother’s father’s side. It’s been a trip to learn all this and try to figure out how to digest it.

Oh, and it gets deeper because I also learned I am ineligible for things like life insurance. My worth as a human in society’s eyes has shifted. But fuck it. It is what it is. I’m just going to keeping making beautiful days. My husband and I are going to use his hard-earned GI loan to buy a house. That can be our life insurance. We have a two-year plan and we will get there.

I am still managing money to the best of my ability. Medical bills that I have accrued and that continue to accrue equal about two to three extra car payments a month. It’s been brutal. But we keep living lean and we’ll get over this hump.

In the meantime, we are in the midst of another medical mystery. I am bleeding a little bit. We thought it was a UTI. That turned out to be true. But then I have been on antibiotics for four days and I started to bleed again. I’ll call the oncologist in the morning. She told me that was a warning sign. Hopefully its nothing major.

Life is a mutherfucker, but on the good side… I have the purest love in the world, my husband. My brother got married last month and it was a beautiful day. Our family is now a little bigger now. I have friends and fans who pour love into my world. My garden is growing well and it’s only May. I love my job. I found a running app called Zombies, Run! that is fun. It’s my birthday next week and I am here to celebrate it.

Podcast: Ducky on the Great Northern Sexcast Show

Podcast: Ducky on the Great Northern Sexcast Show

Yup… I stepped off the ledge and talk about all sorts of things, including dildos, strap-on harnesses, surviving cancer, and caring for assault survivors. We packed a lot into the conversation! It’s Just Ducky! In town from New York, it’s the triumphant return of renowned sex […]

So What Happens After You Survive Cancer?

So What Happens After You Survive Cancer?

Last month I struggled with a sense of aimlessness. I am now about five months into remission and that feeling still exists to some extent but has been overtaken by a sense of doom. Thankfully I am not moving through my days feeling depressed. I […]

April 9, 2018 | Sex For Survivors: Healing After Trauma | Minneapolis, MN

April 9, 2018 | Sex For Survivors: Healing After Trauma | Minneapolis, MN

picture of ducky's face with a small smileI’m presenting ‘Sex For Survivors: Healing After Trauma’ at Smitten Kitten. There will be limited seats but please know getting there is the hardest part. Once we start, there’s lots of love and ideas for how to squeeze more out of your lovely life.

April 9, 2018 at 8pm
Sex For Survivors:  Healing After Trauma
Tuning out? Finding it difficult to be present during intimacy? These are very common survival techniques for anyone who has survived domestic violence, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and other forms of abuse and trauma. Join Ducky, herself a survivor and a Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention Counselor, as we explore ways of growing beyond the trauma. In a safe and non-judgmental environment, you are invited to discuss common issues survivors face or simply listen to inspiring ideas on how you might find more pleasure, become more conscious in your body, build confidence, bond with your partner, embrace your desires, and explore healing through touch.

This workshop is free. Call or email to reserve a spot: info@smittenkittenonline.com or 612-721-6088

Who belongs here?: Almost everyone. Over the years, I have learned that earth is a heavy place to be. With a little nudge, I find almost everyone is surviving something. Be it a past sexual assault, incest, intimate partner violence, a divorce, cancer, a partner in Iraq or Afghanistan, injury, the death of a loved one… life is tough. Our world does not encourage us to face these things head on… but instead to smile along and pretend as though everything’s peachy. But truth be told, that’s not always true. So if you question whether you belong here, I assure you that you do; if not as a survivor yourself, then as an ally of survivors.

Poverty, Vulnerability, & Sex Positivity

Poverty, Vulnerability, & Sex Positivity

One day the kind folx at Pleasure Chest sat down with me and ask how sex became accessible for me as a young woman who came from poverty.

Oh I Like This / Feb 2018

Oh I Like This / Feb 2018

Howdy! Welcome to my February roundup. You can by the date that I almost missed it this month! Working in the sex toy industry means I get clobbered with work every February by perverted Valentines who need vibrating doo-dads. Bless their hearts. __________YUM__________ I am […]

Goodness Thrives… jessica drake

Goodness Thrives… jessica drake

I must admit, I have a lot of admiration for jessica and her work as an activist and educator. We have shared the stage together on a sex education conference keynote panel. We bump into each other as we present at corporate engagements and industry expos and conferences.

I knew she was golden if not only for her sex education work but also for the time, energy and money she gives to good causes like youth in peril, rebuilding homes in Haiti, or suicide prevention. When we can we have these fleeting moments of fangirling each other. Or if we are lucky these deep connective conversations about home life, sex ed or growing up rough. She intelligent and has a heart of gold.

I learn just how golden her heart is when I started cancer treatment. She delivered a big box to my home. This box was full of warmth. So thoughtfully packed with the self-care items only a true survivor and self-care expert could have sent.

I was already deeply committed to a few self-care practices.  I was working from home to reduce stress and keep my immune system strong before surgery. I was practicing restorative yoga. I was reading a lot and doing lots of breathing exercises. (They say breath is life, I was spinning so hard that at times all I had was my breath.)

jessica added to my practices by introducing me to aromatherapy. I would NEVER have engaged with aromatherapy but in those cancer treatment days– all doors to healing were flung open. The little bottles she sent me with names like fortify and pain release seemed reasonable to me. The peppermint halo for headaches worked extraordinarily well!

The eucalyptus spray she sent, made to spritz in the shower and clear the sinuses, did wonders after a round of tears. She even sent an atomizer that sends relaxing lavender oil wafting up into the air. It all worked. It all soothed me. And with every scent she introduced me to, with every application, I felt like I could hear her saying, “You are important and you are not alone.” (Thank you for this jessica.)

It makes sense when you think about it. If the scent of your grandmother’s banana bread can flood your mind with good memories. The scent of your lover’s shampoo can make your heart sing. The smell of hospital can bring panic. Scents really do have power.

So, in the end, there are a lot of reasons I grow more and more fond of jessica. One of them is that she teaches me things. She has taught me how to better care for myself and how to be a better friend. I trust her. She is thoughtful, follows her heart, and asks for nothing in return. I look forward to many more years of growing our friendship.

(This is part three of a series where I get to say thank you. I have a lot of people to be thankful for.)

Goodness Thrives… SheVibe.com

Goodness Thrives… SheVibe.com

I currently work in the tiny industry of pleasure products. In the past, I have worked in the emergency room so when people in the pleasure product industry start taking themselves too seriously I remind myself (and sometimes them) that we sell sex toys. We sell […]

Goodness Thrives… Lilly

Goodness Thrives… Lilly

We don’t know each other very well. We’ve shared some kind words online and some valued time together at sexuality conferences. But one day, while I was in the midst of cancer treatment, Lilly sent me a message and asked if I would consider doing […]