ducky doolittle

Where is Ducky?

I’m still here. There’s a lot to be said for that.

As you may be able to see (especially those who follow me on twitter) I am spending my time just keeping up with life and processing this whole surviving thing. I am hitting the six-month mark and I am trying to pull myself together.

In my last post, I had just ponied up some blood for genetic testing. Turns out I do have MSH6. In simple terms, I inherited a gene with a missing protein. This leaves me vulnerable to almost every kind of cancer in the books, including endometrial (check that off the list), breast, bladder, colon, skin, brain… and so on. I will spend the rest of my life doing visits with my oncologist and submitting to preemptive testing. I’ll find out in a few weeks what this year’s tests will look like. If we find cancer early, then we tackle it and see how long we can keep this body thumping. I am shooting for 90 years.

With my cat-eared niece in Minnesota, for my brother’s wedding.

Last month I went to my brother’s wedding and I had to leave my siblings with paperwork so they can now get themselves tested. That sucked hard. I keep my fingers and toes crossed that I am the only one in the chain to get this.

I also learned my biological father has been fighting cancer for 20+ years. I used ancestory.com to hunt up my genetic line a bit and I am pretty certain this came into our genetic line from my grandmother’s father’s side. It’s been a trip to learn all this and try to figure out how to digest it.

Oh, and it gets deeper because I also learned I am ineligible for things like life insurance. My worth as a human in society’s eyes has shifted. But fuck it. It is what it is. I’m just going to keeping making beautiful days. My husband and I are going to use his hard-earned GI loan to buy a house. That can be our life insurance. We have a two-year plan and we will get there.

I am still managing money to the best of my ability. Medical bills that I have accrued and that continue to accrue equal about two to three extra car payments a month. It’s been brutal. But we keep living lean and we’ll get over this hump.

In the meantime, we are in the midst of another medical mystery. I am bleeding a little bit. We thought it was a UTI. That turned out to be true. But then I have been on antibiotics for four days and I started to bleed again. I’ll call the oncologist in the morning. She told me that was a warning sign. Hopefully its nothing major.

Life is a mutherfucker, but on the good side… I have the purest love in the world, my husband. My brother got married last month and it was a beautiful day. Our family is now a little bigger now. I have friends and fans who pour love into my world. My garden is growing well and it’s only May. I love my job. I found a running app called Zombies, Run! that is fun. It’s my birthday next week and I am here to celebrate it.



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