ducky doolittle

Tag: cancer

Podcast: Ducky on the Great Northern Sexcast Show

Podcast: Ducky on the Great Northern Sexcast Show

Yup… I stepped off the ledge and talk about all sorts of things, including dildos, strap-on harnesses, surviving cancer, and caring for assault survivors. We packed a lot into the conversation! It’s Just Ducky! In town from New York, it’s the triumphant return of renowned sex […]

So What Happens After You Survive Cancer?

So What Happens After You Survive Cancer?

Last month I struggled with a sense of aimlessness. I am now about five months into remission and that feeling still exists to some extent but has been overtaken by a sense of doom. Thankfully I am not moving through my days feeling depressed. I […]

Oh I Like This / Feb 2018

Oh I Like This / Feb 2018

Howdy! Welcome to my February roundup. You can by the date that I almost missed it this month! Working in the sex toy industry means I get clobbered with work every February by perverted Valentines who need vibrating doo-dads. Bless their hearts.

__________YUM__________

I am doing well with my plan to eat well. I am working out some. Not doing as well as I would like. Ugh. I’m going to do better.

I am replacing my love of baking with making other things. (I have not been baking or the last year and a half. I miss it!) I finally have everything I need to make my first batch of oatmeal and goat milk soap.

I use to make banana bread for all my friends and family. Now I can force them to be clean and smell good. This makes me so happy!

__________SEXY__________

woman with shrt dark hair wearing a super soft looking braThis month I want to introduce you to AnaOno, a little company that makes beautiful underthings and dresses for breast cancer survivors.

Why? A survivor’s body changes and their relationship with their body changes upon diagnosis.

There are surgeries, scars, procedures, and ports. As a survivor herself, Dana insightfully makes things that make those other things easier to live with. Dana’s creations are beautiful. (And could be worn by anyone, not just survivors– anyone can support her!)

I had the pleasure of facilitating a Sex After Cancer presentation with Dana before I was diagnosed. She was so full of wisdom and warmth. That experience stayed with me and her words from that day helped me as I came to grip with my diagnosis.

One of her mottoes is, “…whatever stage you’re in, AnaOno is with you. We hope you find comfort here.” Her blog is full of insightful articles like Post-Mastectomy Fashion: 5 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mastectomy and Intimacy After Breast Cancer. I encourage you to visit her site and share her work with any survivors you may know.

__________READ__________

I have been working with Kinkly to help this own find her first orgasm and then how to expand her orgasms. It’s so lovely to work with a person who is willing to slow down and take some time to explore their body. Not to mention how amazing it is that she is willing to share her experience with all of us! I also wrote a piece on pain during penetration.

For all my friends who write about sex toys, this piece SugarCunt has a good post on writing sex toy reviews. And for those of you who enjoy reading sexuality-related blogs, Lilly has a great post on easy ways to support your favorite bloggers.

__________THANK YOU__________

I’m still in a place where I am sort of pummeled from having cancer. I am now cancer free but the frenzy of diagnosis and treatment is over and now I am picking up the emotional pieces. It’s not easy. I do however have a lot to be thankful for. One thing I am thankful for is your willingness to read my blog and experience it all with me. I am less alone because of you.

I Survived. Now What?

I Survived. Now What?

These are strange days. I’m a few months into remission and I am spinning in new ways. There are these moments when I feel elated. Late at night, while walking my dog I will step out of the front door, look up at the stars and feel an overwhelming […]

The Truth About Menopause

The Truth About Menopause

If you are new here, I recently survived cancer. In doing so I had to accept going into abrupt surgical menopause. I have had no hormone replacement options available as they stand a high chance of causing more cancer in my body. But you know […]

You Heal Me / You Fuel Me

You Heal Me / You Fuel Me

Now that I have beaten cancer (OMG that feels so good to say!) I will start blogging about how I manage my medical bills, the insurance company, and the VA. (My husband is a disabled combat veteran. I figure there are more vets and those who love them that can benefit from my experience.) Managing medical bills is not exciting, but valuable. Perhaps I can help people this way?

I am accountable to you and you can watch my progress here. You can donate here. Every dollar over what I need for my bills will be given to another yet-to-be-determined person in need of help with medical bills. When we meet that goal, I’ll let y’all suggest who that person may be.

In the meantime, my mind is blown by how generous people have been and by how much you care. I still have a long way to go to get these bills cared for but I feel so empowered by you. THANK YOU!

Even if you can’t give money, to share the campaign also helps so much.

I Hide My Tears / But Not Very Well

I Hide My Tears / But Not Very Well

I am a very stoic individual. I don’t like to express my pain or vulnerabilities publically. I was at work when the doctor called. He did not ask me where I was or prepare me for the news. He just said hello, told me who […]

Timeline of Hysterectomy Healing Process

Timeline of Hysterectomy Healing Process

This is a timeline of my healing process. I’m creating it to remind myself how far I have come and to help other people who experience a robotic, radical hysterectomy to know what they might expect. Doctor’s say it should be six weeks until I am fully […]

I Am Alive

I Am Alive

Quick post as I have limited energy. Forgive my typos, I’ll try to clean them up once I have more wits.

On surgery day I went from being emotionally distressed to terror as they started popping the IV in my arm, to absolute physical trauma. I came to in the recovery room with horrible pain my shoulder. I was begging someone to hold my hand. The nurser told me she was too busy. There were lots of patients, each nurse had two patients to attend to. They stood in front of these mobile laptop desks.

She told me the pain in my shoulder was due to the gas they fill the body cavity with as the robotics unit moves through the body. The gas had risen to my shoulder. This is the should that I had rotator cuff surgery on when I was 17 years old. The pain felt like someone was tearing my limb apart. It was excruciating.

At some point the let my husband in and he held my hand and fed me ice chips for what I think was hours. I was in and out and confused. They moved me to a room that night. It was nice. A private room. My husband went to take his mom back to our home and to get what he needed to stay the night.

The pain in my abdomen started to become apparent. The pain in my shoulder started to decline. In the morning I found my husband cat napping in a chair, I had a catheter, an IV in one hand, and another in my elbow. I had some serious problems with pain management. There was some amazing staff at this hospital, but I had some serious issues with the morning staff. I did everything I had to do to get released as quickly as possible.

The drive home was painful. Every tiny bump in the road hurt. Walking to my door and up the flight of stairs was really hard. But home is the best place to heal.

I think robotic surgery is not less painful at the beginning, but healing seems to come faster. Each day I fell pretty miserable but there are also little wins every day. I started walking with more ease. I can get out of a chair on my own, I have been eating ok. Every day a little more progress. I stopped taking the pain pills (except for Tylenol and Advil) a few days ago. Yesterday I made my own breakfast.

One big problem this is that cannot get comfortable in any position. It’s hard to sleep. And then two nights ago… my shoulder starts with the excruciating pain again. I got up in the morning and the pain subsided. Then again last night at the end of the evening, the shoulder pain again. I woke up at some point and realized my should is dislocating when I lay on my back. It’s dislocating when I use my arms to pick myself up off the couch. It’s threatening to dislocate when I pick up a coffee cup. I am right back to where I was before I had my rotator cuff surgery. Fuck. The gas they used during surgery destroyed my rotator cuff.

So in the wee hours of the morning, I taught my husband how to relocate my shoulder. Tomorrow I’ll seek a specialist to see if we can repair this damage with physical therapy. I must be the first person to go in to have cancer removed from my abdomen and come out with a damaged shoulder. FML

Today I made a blog post. Tomorrow my goal is to get out of pajamas and put on real clothes maybe. (My goals right now are super small.)

Today is Thanksgiving. It’s a good day to make a list of everything I am thankful for. I’ll go work on the long list.

Happy Thanksgiving my friends.

Fear & Happiness

Fear & Happiness

This is my last post before surgery. During surgery, they will be able to stage my cancer and tell us if I need more treatment, like radiation or chemo. But finally, on Friday my treatment will begin. My nerves still hum… it’s been like that […]

Waiting For Cancer Treatment / Part 6

Waiting For Cancer Treatment / Part 6

Surgery happens this Friday. Now there is a low hum of nervousness that constantly resonates out of my chest. It started yesterday and is so real that I can damn near touch it and see it. I wish I could make it stop. The thing that I have been […]