I’m still here. There’s a lot to be said for that. As you may be able to see (especially those who follow me on twitter) I am spending my time just keeping up with life and processing this whole surviving thing. I am hitting the six-month […]
Tag: self care
Last month I struggled with a sense of aimlessness. I am now about five months into remission and that feeling still exists to some extent but has been overtaken by a sense of doom. Thankfully I am not moving through my days feeling depressed. I […]
I’m presenting ‘Sex For Survivors: Healing After Trauma’ at Smitten Kitten. There will be limited seats but please know getting there is the hardest part. Once we start, there’s lots of love and ideas for how to squeeze more out of your lovely life.
April 9, 2018 at 8pm
Sex For Survivors: Healing After Trauma
Tuning out? Finding it difficult to be present during intimacy? These are very common survival techniques for anyone who has survived domestic violence, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and other forms of abuse and trauma. Join Ducky, herself a survivor and a Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention Counselor, as we explore ways of growing beyond the trauma. In a safe and non-judgmental environment, you are invited to discuss common issues survivors face or simply listen to inspiring ideas on how you might find more pleasure, become more conscious in your body, build confidence, bond with your partner, embrace your desires, and explore healing through touch.
This workshop is free. Call or email to reserve a spot: firstname.lastname@example.org
Who belongs here?: Almost everyone. Over the years, I have learned that earth is a heavy place to be. With a little nudge, I find almost everyone is surviving something. Be it a past sexual assault, incest, intimate partner violence, a divorce, cancer, a partner in Iraq or Afghanistan, injury, the death of a loved one… life is tough. Our world does not encourage us to face these things head on… but instead to smile along and pretend as though everything’s peachy. But truth be told, that’s not always true. So if you question whether you belong here, I assure you that you do; if not as a survivor yourself, then as an ally of survivors.
Howdy! Welcome to my February roundup. You can by the date that I almost missed it this month! Working in the sex toy industry means I get clobbered with work every February by perverted Valentines who need vibrating doo-dads. Bless their hearts. __________YUM__________ I am […]
I must admit, I have a lot of admiration for jessica and her work as an activist and educator. We have shared the stage together on a sex education conference keynote panel. We bump into each other as we present at corporate engagements and industry expos and conferences.
I knew she was golden if not only for her sex education work but also for the time, energy and money she gives to good causes like youth in peril, rebuilding homes in Haiti, or suicide prevention. When we can we have these fleeting moments of fangirling each other. Or if we are lucky these deep connective conversations about home life, sex ed or growing up rough. She intelligent and has a heart of gold.
I learn just how golden her heart is when I started cancer treatment. She delivered a big box to my home. This box was full of warmth. So thoughtfully packed with the self-care items only a true survivor and self-care expert could have sent.
I was already deeply committed to a few self-care practices. I was working from home to reduce stress and keep my immune system strong before surgery. I was practicing restorative yoga. I was reading a lot and doing lots of breathing exercises. (They say breath is life, I was spinning so hard that at times all I had was my breath.)
jessica added to my practices by introducing me to aromatherapy. I would NEVER have engaged with aromatherapy but in those cancer treatment days– all doors to healing were flung open. The little bottles she sent me with names like fortify and pain release seemed reasonable to me. The peppermint halo for headaches worked extraordinarily well!
The eucalyptus spray she sent, made to spritz in the shower and clear the sinuses, did wonders after a round of tears. She even sent an atomizer that sends relaxing lavender oil wafting up into the air. It all worked. It all soothed me. And with every scent she introduced me to, with every application, I felt like I could hear her saying, “You are important and you are not alone.” (Thank you for this jessica.)
It makes sense when you think about it. If the scent of your grandmother’s banana bread can flood your mind with good memories. The scent of your lover’s shampoo can make your heart sing. The smell of hospital can bring panic. Scents really do have power.
So, in the end, there are a lot of reasons I grow more and more fond of jessica. One of them is that she teaches me things. She has taught me how to better care for myself and how to be a better friend. I trust her. She is thoughtful, follows her heart, and asks for nothing in return. I look forward to many more years of growing our friendship.
(This is part three of a series where I get to say thank you. I have a lot of people to be thankful for.)
This little Canadian company is full of heart! The owners come and go because it’s a worker-owned cooperative, but collectively I have friends who have been happily entangled with them for almost 15 years. My entanglement with them means I have been eating food with them, flopping […]
Hi! I am pretty well healed! I am moving out of full sloth mode and into some more active means of caring for myself. How? Well, I have this list I made while I was in the thick of cancer treatment of things to look forward to. Now I need to make them happen!
My big goal is to get some of this fat off of my body. (Fat produces estrogen, estrogen has the potential to produce cancer in my body.) I need to get strong so I can get back to martial arts.
I also just sent another email to this local organization that does housing advocacy for the elderly, mentally ill and homeless individuals. I submitted my application to volunteer last month but have not heard back. Either they are overwhelmed and really need me, or they don’t need me at all. Either way, I’m gonna try to put my skills to use. If not for them, then for some other organization. As a formerly homeless person, I can not sit back and hope that someone else takes care of the problems in my community. If you don’t know… volunteering is a super awesome selfish act… for many, it elevates depression and makes your heart feel good. I recommend it.
I am really excited about this cookbook. It’s called Greens Glorious Greens!: More than 140 Ways to Prepare All Those Great-Tasting, Super-Healthy, Beautiful Leafy Greens and it’s full of recipes that take what may have been bland leaves and turns them into deliciousness!
At work, we use bonus.ly. Everyone in the office gets points at the beginning of the month. If someone helps you with a project or goes above and beyond we can give each other points as a thank you and recognition. I recently cashed my points in for a Sephora gift card and scored this stunning Bite Beauty Lipstick in a color called beetroot. It’s a deep, dark, sexy lip color. I also got a pallet of Stellar Stardust Lip Powder. The powder is great for layering. It adds some metallic shimmer.
I have always loved Eric Stanton’s illustrations. Here’s a great collection of his pulp book covers. I wrote this article on sex toy materials. I also answered this question about sex toys throughout history and this piece on why people engage in kinky sex. On this podcast, EmmelinePeaches talks about how fitness effects sexual wellness. And for those who like to wear your cock, AFemmeCock has this cool tutorial on how to make a rope strap-on.
My family gave me some beautiful books for the holidays. My Favorite Thing is Monsters is a huge, beautiful graphic novel, page after page of beautifully drawn storytelling.
My husband gave me a copy of The Quotable Anais Nin: 365 Quotations with Citations. He also gave me Raw Erotica: Sex, Lust and Desire in Outsider Art. I do love outsider art, but this volume is more about explicitness than it is erotica. Still a lovely and disturbing book.
Thank you to beyonddelights.com for coming to my online classes for retailers and turning what they learn into thoughtful articles, like this one on sex and unwanted pain. I love seeing good hearted companies bringing good things into the world.
Thanks to Women of Sex Tech for inviting me to be a part of your group. I am honored to be a part of this powerful force!
Thank you (x1000) to Lilly for telling the world I am one of her blogging inspirations. This is a huge compliment.