I can’t tell you much about Jo. She was a Holocaust survivor, having been freed from Auschwitz concentration camp in her early teens. She couch-surfed through Europe, hopped a boat to America, and eventually landed with her extended family in New Jersey.
When I met her she was in her 80s. She was retired and had developed a passion for photography. She wanted to take my picture. I let her.
We developed a friendship. We would talk about art, drink tea, and find good food together. Every once in awhile I would see a little bit of her pain as a survivor. Having come from a rough place myself, I appreciated it when she would be vulnerable enough to allow me to see it.
One day I arrived at her house to find she was wearing her camera strap with her wrist tucked in, like a sling. I asked her why.
She explained that she was suffering from a shoulder injury.
I asked her if she had seen a doctor.
She explained that they wanted to do surgery but she was not going to do it. She did not want to spend the estimated 5 days in the hospital.
I totally understood. When you have experienced institutional trauma as she had, being confined, and not having control of your moments and days can be unbearable. It’s panic-inducing.
By this point in my life, I had been trained as a patient advocate. I had been spending days and nights in the emergency room with domestic violence and sexual assault survivors. It was my job to sit with a patient, help them understand their medical and legal rights. It was my job to give back some of the power that had stripped away from them by trauma.
In an effort to encourage Jo to care for herself I offered to go with her to the hospital. I offered to sit with her, by her bed, 24 hours a day, for all the days she may need to stay. She declined my offer.
I respected that her body belonged to her. I reinforced the fact that if she ever changed her mind, I would be there. I was ready to care for her.
When I left Jo’s home that day I had this overwhelming sense that if I could not care for this survivor, then perhaps I should learn from her. I made a promise to myself that if ever I was in need of medical care I would not allow my past trauma and pain to inhibit me from seeking that care and submitting to the treatment that would give me the highest quality of life. As a form of revenge against the world and all the pain it has caused Jo, I would work to only take better care of my body.
Today I give thanks to Jo. She taught me how to be stronger and how to take better care of myself. When my body began to bleed and bruise it was my memories of Jo that made it possible for me to push past the tears and fear and achieve my cancer diagnosis. I will draw on this strength as I move through treatment.